As much as Hillary losing the election might have felt like the end of the world, we know it wasn’t. Because the actual end of the world is climate change. And it may not be the news of the day, but, technically, climate change is the news of every day, which is why people in the streets are doing this. REPORTER: Thousands of people took to the streets in the U.S. and around the world on Saturday to protest against President Donald Trump’s climate change policies. REPORTER 2: The People’s Climate March was held in 300 cities. REPORTER 3: Chicago, Denver, Seattle… REPORTER 2: More than 200,000 people marched here on the National Mall. Thousands who oppose his environmental agenda have literally surrounded the White House this afternoon. Ha-ha! Joke’s on you. The president’s not at the White House. He’s out playing golf! Yeah! Like, if people really want to get Trump’s attention, go protest on the golf course. Or, even better, get a tee time ahead of him and then just go real slow.
Just, like, don’t hit the ball. Just… And then he’ll be like, “Hey, assholes, you’re not doing anything!” And be like, “Yeah, it’s a metaphor for your presidency!” (cheering and applause) Now, most recent protests have been about things that could potentially happen. You know, like women losing the right to choose or science being defunded or Trump’s plan to change the national bird from the bald eagle to a bucket of KFC. But, unlike those issues, climate change isn’t something that could happen– it’s something that is happening. NASA and NOAA scientists today declared 2016 the hottest year on record. It’s the third record-breaking year in a row. Nearly all of the 17 hottest years on record have occurred since 2000. In just the last ten years, we’ve seen an increase in wildfires and also draught in the southeast, not to mention flooding. In the arctic, they’ve had a month full of temperature in the 90s. That has melted the soil so deep that bodies from shallow graves are coming up, and that has caused an anthrax outbreak.
(screams) What the (bleep). Climate change is so bad it’s making another season of The Walking Dead? What? Like, if anyone needs to be fighting hard for climate change, it should be all the serial killers who didn’t bury their bodies deep enough, that’s who it should be. “What, the shallow graves are coming up? We need to fight for climate change.” One of the most frustrating things about climate change is that as humans, there are many things we can do, right? And many things we shouldn’t. You guess which list President Trump is working off. President Trump taking major steps to strip down Obama-era regulations to combat climate change, signing an executive order that undoes the Clean Power Plan. He loosened fuel economy standards for cars and trucks.
Approved the Keystone XL Pipeline. His order would allow coal mining on federal lands, permit the oil industry to release more methane. On Friday, the EPA removed most of the information on climate change from its website, explaining in a press release it’s being updated to “reflect the approach of new leadership.” What does that mean, the EPA’s website is gonna reflect the approach of the new leadership? What does that mean? Is it now just gonna redirect to coalporn.com? Yeah? And by the way, that is not clean coal. That is not clean coal at all. Look at that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that’s right. I’m gonna hit it so hard it’s gonna turn into a diamond. Yeah. That’s right. You know what’s funny– it’s just rocks, and your minds are taking it there. Look, uh, at this point, convincing Trump seems futile.
Right? He doesn’t care about wildlife. He doesn’t care about famine and draught all over the world. He doesn’t care if it gets warmer. I mean, that just means he gets tanner. There is one thing, though, that might– just might– get Trump to care about the climate change. And it’s his children. Right? No, no, I-I mean the ones he raised. Right. Donald Trump’s property is in danger. Just up the coast is the president’s luxury Florida mansion, Mar-a-Lago. He calls it the Winter White House, but it’s also a climate change ground zero. It’s estimated that over the coming decades, rising sea waters could inundate a quarter of his very own luxury estate. Wow. President Trump, if by some miracle you see this clip, I just want to say this. You may not care about climate change. But I know you care about winning. Which is why you’re not gonna let climate change kick your ass by flooding your winter wonderland.
Come on, President Trump. It’s time for you to stand up and tell the world, nobody sinks your properties but you..