[Music] >> Will: Today the White House our humble overlords has released its National Climate Assessment. Their discoveries are on some M. Knight Shaymalan level of human scary. >> Lee: The Assement states “Climate change, once considered an issue for a distant future, has moved firmly into the present,” and the evidence of man-made climate change “continues to strengthen.” >> Will: This is polite scientist talk for “We have way to much effing information for you to keep ignoring this you high-strung over sensitive uncommunicative supercilious ignorant country bumpkins.” >> Lee: The results of the report are a little terrifying. >> Will: Look, I’m a politician business man sometimes. I’m going to show you how we like to think of it. >> Lee: Some of the interesting high lights of the report are: sea levels have risen by eight inches since 1880 and are expected to rise between one and four feet by the year 2100. >> Will: Oh no! That’s just because there’s more fish in the sea. It has nothing to do with the fact that as water gets warmer it expands.
It’s definitely more fishies in the big water thing. >> Lee: The ocean? >> Will: Whatever you want to call it. >> Lee: Or how 43 of the lower 48 states have set at least one monthly heat record since January 2010. >> Will: Oh no! January 2010? Notice that’s approximately a year after Obama took office. Clearly its because he put some type of voodoo hex on America. >> Lee: Well, Winter storms have increased in intensity and frequency since the 1950s >> Will: Oh no, you idiot. Global warming can’t be real! More intense storms means it’s getting colder! I’m a genius. Buy my book. >> Lee: I don’t think you understand science. >> Will: I understand lobbyists and fortune 500 companies.
>> Lee: Also, flooding from Climate Chance could cost as much as 325 billion dollars by 2100 including more than 130 billion in Florida alone. >> Will: Oh no! Florida?! That’s where I get my cocaine from! We need to pay attention to climate stains right now! >> Lee: America. >> Will: I am no longer a Business Man Politican, in Lou of this “new” information I’d just like to say: Oh my Gandhi! We all gon’ die! And when I say “we” I really mean our children’s children. Climate Change is like the Leonardo Dicaprio of science. We know you deserve recognition but somebody out there, some sick twisted individual, lets call him “fate” doesn’t want you to be recognized because they’re scared and weak and clearly unintelligible. >> Lee: What do you think of climate change being considered here now? >> Will: What do you do at home to help the environment? [Music].