The Australian Government is always proud to be at the cutting edge of innovation That’s why instead of the NBN and Renewable Energy we’re bringing you the very latest from 19th-century technology: COAL AND RAIL Introducing the Carmichael Coal And Rail Project a coalmine! PLUS – a train! INNOVATION! Once completed, it will be the hugest new coalmine in the world (Plus a TRAIN!) Which is grouse, coz as we know coal is good for humanity whereas renewables cause lighting and child drownings To make CCRAP, we’ll also be guided by the latest in 19th-century methodology: COALONIALISM That’s why we’re disregarding the protests of the Wangan and Jagalingou traditional owners who, just like those pesky natives at Standing Rock are standing firmly in the way of our CCRAP to defend their sacred Country and waters from obliteration By combining CCRAP and COALONIALISM Australia is getting rid of many great barriers to progress Such as.
.. The Great Barrier Reef, which we’ll dredge to make room for our expanded coal terminal It’s already half f*cked anyway and nobody likes to see a job half done The Great Artesian Basin which CCRAP will freely drain and contaminate CCRAP will also help get rid of our current climate by digging up and burning 2.3 billion tons of coal when we’ve been warned that the only way to avoid disaster is to keep that shit in the ground To achieve all this, we’ve hired an offshore company with extensive experience in human rights abuses, environmental destruction and corruption: ADANI When you put all this together, you can see why CCRAP meets our full 4-Star FUCK-YOU-WORLD rating! And that’s why we’ve given CCRAP “critical infrastructure” status which allows us to ignore any concerns you might have in order to fast-track it to completion Why didn’t we give the NBN critical infrastructure status? What a silly question, the answer of course is..