The Bright Side History – The Benefits of Global Warming – @midnight with Chris Hardwick

We all know that global warming is perhaps the biggest threat facing humanity over the next 50 years, but it's not all bad news according to Yahoo. According to a recent study, rising temperatures will actually be good for getting folks in North Dakota out of the house. You never even thought about that part of it. -(applause and cheering) -We never even thought about it. You, selfish, underwater Hawaiians, it's not all about you all of the time! ORLANDO JONES: Yeah. -What about North Dakota? -Yeah. -Yeah. -Yeah. For some people, global warming is a good thing. There are at least 40 meth-addicted frackers and a dozen or so buffalo veterinarians who stand to benefit from it being a little nicer outside for once. -So maybe open your (bleep) minds… -(applause, cheering) …and think of some of the benefits of global warming. I mean sure, sure, the mosquito population will skyrocket and give most of the southern hemisphere super Ebola, but for a lucky few, they'll get to sit out on their porch on a balmy February night in North Dakota and get radiated by the sunset with their pet polar bear who now will look like this, -and great, I say.

Fun. -(laughter, applause) That's what they look like when you shave them. -Every polar bear. -(cheers and applause) Polar bears look all scary, but underneath, just a little wiener. -Just… -(laughter) So, comedians, I've listed a couple, but I'm sure there are a lot more ways to approach this very optimistically. What are some other benefits of global warming? -Orlan… I'm sorry. Nimesh. -Donald Trump will spend his winters in Swamp Mar-a-Lago. -HARDWICK: Yes. Points. Very good. -(laughter) -(applause and cheering) -Orlando. Well, if it's hot as balls, we know nudist colonies are gonna be lit. -HARDWICK: All right. Points. -(laughter) -Yeah. -Very good. -Lit! -(applause and cheering) -Arden. -Um, it'll only take 15 minutes to fly from coast to coast, Chris. -HARDWICK: Yes. -(laughter) -Points. -Yes! -Finally.

In-flight movie's just gonna be a clip -of the Cash Me Outside Girl. -HARDWICK: Nope. -(laughter).

How to Make Trump Care About Global Warming: The Daily Show

As much as Hillary losing the election might have felt like the end of the world, we know it wasn’t. Because the actual end of the world is climate change. And it may not be the news of the day, but, technically, climate change is the news of every day, which is why people in the streets are doing this. REPORTER: Thousands of people took to the streets in the U.S. and around the world on Saturday to protest against President Donald Trump’s climate change policies. REPORTER 2: The People’s Climate March was held in 300 cities. REPORTER 3: Chicago, Denver, Seattle… REPORTER 2: More than 200,000 people marched here on the National Mall. Thousands who oppose his environmental agenda have literally surrounded the White House this afternoon. Ha-ha! Joke’s on you. The president’s not at the White House. He’s out playing golf! Yeah! Like, if people really want to get Trump’s attention, go protest on the golf course. Or, even better, get a tee time ahead of him and then just go real slow.

Just, like, don’t hit the ball. Just… And then he’ll be like, “Hey, assholes, you’re not doing anything!” And be like, “Yeah, it’s a metaphor for your presidency!” (cheering and applause) Now, most recent protests have been about things that could potentially happen. You know, like women losing the right to choose or science being defunded or Trump’s plan to change the national bird from the bald eagle to a bucket of KFC. But, unlike those issues, climate change isn’t something that could happen– it’s something that is happening. NASA and NOAA scientists today declared 2016 the hottest year on record. It’s the third record-breaking year in a row. Nearly all of the 17 hottest years on record have occurred since 2000. In just the last ten years, we’ve seen an increase in wildfires and also draught in the southeast, not to mention flooding. In the arctic, they’ve had a month full of temperature in the 90s. That has melted the soil so deep that bodies from shallow graves are coming up, and that has caused an anthrax outbreak.

(screams) What the (bleep). Climate change is so bad it’s making another season of The Walking Dead? What? Like, if anyone needs to be fighting hard for climate change, it should be all the serial killers who didn’t bury their bodies deep enough, that’s who it should be. “What, the shallow graves are coming up? We need to fight for climate change.” One of the most frustrating things about climate change is that as humans, there are many things we can do, right? And many things we shouldn’t. You guess which list President Trump is working off. President Trump taking major steps to strip down Obama-era regulations to combat climate change, signing an executive order that undoes the Clean Power Plan. He loosened fuel economy standards for cars and trucks.

Approved the Keystone XL Pipeline. His order would allow coal mining on federal lands, permit the oil industry to release more methane. On Friday, the EPA removed most of the information on climate change from its website, explaining in a press release it’s being updated to “reflect the approach of new leadership.” What does that mean, the EPA’s website is gonna reflect the approach of the new leadership? What does that mean? Is it now just gonna redirect to coalporn.com? Yeah? And by the way, that is not clean coal. That is not clean coal at all. Look at that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that’s right. I’m gonna hit it so hard it’s gonna turn into a diamond. Yeah. That’s right. You know what’s funny– it’s just rocks, and your minds are taking it there. Look, uh, at this point, convincing Trump seems futile.

Right? He doesn’t care about wildlife. He doesn’t care about famine and draught all over the world. He doesn’t care if it gets warmer. I mean, that just means he gets tanner. There is one thing, though, that might– just might– get Trump to care about the climate change. And it’s his children. Right? No, no, I-I mean the ones he raised. Right. Donald Trump’s property is in danger. Just up the coast is the president’s luxury Florida mansion, Mar-a-Lago. He calls it the Winter White House, but it’s also a climate change ground zero. It’s estimated that over the coming decades, rising sea waters could inundate a quarter of his very own luxury estate. Wow. President Trump, if by some miracle you see this clip, I just want to say this. You may not care about climate change. But I know you care about winning. Which is why you’re not gonna let climate change kick your ass by flooding your winter wonderland.

Come on, President Trump. It’s time for you to stand up and tell the world, nobody sinks your properties but you..

The Nightly Show – Neil deGrasse Tyson Slams Flat-Earth Theorist B.o.B

if you spent any time on Twitter in the past 48 hours, then you've heard about our next story. Rapper B.o.B. blowing up Twitter with his theories on the actual shape of the earth. Rapper B.o.B.– perhaps you know him for hits "Airplanes" and "Nothin' On You"– he firmly believes that the earth is flat. He is on a Twitter mission to prove it, and he says he has photographic evidence and that we've been fooled all this time. Mm. Mm. You know, guys, first time I heard "Nothin' On You", I definitely thought, "This B.o.B. guy– he is the one to finally take down that asshole Aristotle." Take him down. Take him down. Seriously, though, these tweets are amazing. "…the horizon is always eye level..

." "Once you go flat you never go back"? "…where is the curve?" Um, B.o.B., if you're looking for the curve, you got to call Sir Mix-A-Lot. That is a man who did not deny science. He did not. Am I right? I'm not lying about that. Okay. Anyway, so this thing went viral. And even world-renowned super scientist and friend of The Nightly Show Neil deGrasse Tyson got involved and refuted some of B.o.B.'s retrograde nonsense, which prompted B.o.B. to release a diss track called "Flatline". Here's a taste. ♪ Neil Tyson need to loosen up his vest ♪ ♪ They'll probably write that man one hell of a check ♪ ♪ Flat line, flat line ♪ ♪ You got me once but that died, aye ♪ Oh, (bleep)! This (bleep) just got real, y'all. Uh-oh. I'm gonna tell you– looks like we've got ourselves a r… code red science emergency. So I'm gonna have to do something I rarely do.

I got to hit the science panic button. WOMAN: Science emergency defense program initiated. Science emergency defense program initiated. -Oh, my God. -Science emergency defense program initiated. (audience cheering, applauding) WILMORE: Hey, Neil… Neil deGrasse Tyson! -Larry? -It's Neil deGrasse Tyson. Neil deGrasse Tyson, everybody. Yes. Look at… look at that. Thank you. -Larry… -Yes? I'm trying to eat my dinner, I got your distress call. -I apologize, I know. -Is everything okay? No, Neil, everything is not okay. This B.o.B. BS about the earth being flat is getting out of control. Can you please help us? Uh, h-hold my sandwich. -Oh, sure, okay. -I'm sorry. Here, you take that. Here, here, you want your…

-Oh. Oh. Oh, my God. Okay. -(audience cheering, applauding) Looks good. All right. Go. All right, listen B.o.B., once and for all. The earth looks flat because, one, you're not far enough away at your size. Two, your… your size isn't large enough relative to earth to notice any curvature at all. It's a fundamental fact of calculus and non-Euclidean geometry. Small sections of large curved surfaces will always look flat to little creatures that crawl upon it. But this… but this whole thing– it's just a symptom of a larger problem. There's a growing anti-intellectual strain in this country that many th… that may be the beginning of the end of our informed democracy. O-Of course, in a free society, you can and should think whatever you want. And if you want to think the world is flat, go right ahead. But if you think the world is flat and you have influence over others, as would successful rappers or even presidential candidates, then being wrong becomes being harmful– to the health, the wealth, and the security of our citizenry.

Discovery and exploration got us out of the caves. And each generation benefits from what previous generations have learned. Isaac Newton, my man, said, "I have… "If I have seen farther than others, it's by standing on the shoulders of giants." (cheering, whooping) -WILMORE: Yeah! (whoops) -Can I get an amen? So that's right, B.o.B., when you stand on the shoulders of those who came before, you might just see far enough to realize the earth isn't (bleep) flat. And by the way….